For weeks now my daughter has been telling me to visit lovenandrespect.com. Her and her partner learned about it at a christian relationship counseling group they went to. They had a very high conflict relationship as well until then. The change in both of them is remarkable. He is 28 and she is 22. He has 2 children and they are having one together soon. Those youngsters are some smart ones. I am so proud of them both.
Yesterday I went to my brothers church. I’m a christian but have traditionally had big difference with other believers. I don’t believe that bible has been unchanged and is all God’s word. I also think hell is as real as getting hair on your palms from masturbating, or your face getting stuck in a grimace. I left before the sermon but the music was out of this world great! It was so nice to see so many old friends too. Unfortunately I just cried the whole time.
When I got home I checked out loveandrespect.com. My daughter was sooooo right about it being amazing. The PHD preacher dude may be on to something. I wasn’t looking for marriage saving stuff even. I was just trying to find my self respect and dignity. I haven’t been acting at all in a way I am proud of. In my time with hubby I have become quite good at biting back. I can jump up and down and scream with the best of ‘em now. Clever quips became fun daggers to shoot at him and later share with friends. I’m pretty ashamed of my behavior now so its time to do things differently.
On the advice of the phd preacher dude I apologized to hubby for being so disrespectful acting towards him, told him I am working on myself, and asked him for forgiveness. Phd preacher dude says that if a gal does that the guy will soften right away. It didn’t exactly go down that easy, but after a hour or so of him crazy making he realized I wasn’t playing and he then softened.
I can’t imagine who couldn’t benefit from love and respect teachings. One of the examples of how men and women are different was that when a woman says she has nothing to wear she means she has nothing new to wear, and when a man says it he means he has nothing clean. phd preacher dude says that women look through pink glasses, have pick hearing aids, and speak through a pink megaphone. For men he calls it blue glasses, hearing aids and megaphone. I forwarded a couple of the few minute long free “movies” on the site to hubby, sure somehow I would offend him. Everything I do seems to offend him anyway. Well, guess what? He loves the site too!
Sure no guarantees here about growing old together. Trust is broken and that just sucks. Even when trust was intact marriage to him was incredibly hard.
Today things are calmer and I feel like I am being true to myself. That’s good enough for now.
I should read this before posting it. I’m sure it is a little scattered. Writing has never been my strong suit. I’m still not quite sure why I am doing a public diary. Maybe I’m tired of secrets.
